The RastaBBQ Network

"Comment or die! Can you do any less?" [4]

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Coo Coo Coo Cool · posted 31. December 2005 by youth

Right. So it’s been approximately five months since I’ve written anything here. I have no excuse really, but fortunately I don’t need one. I wouldn’t want guilt to be my primary motivator for doing this. Or anything else, really. Hmph. That deserves some thought…

Anyway, I wanted to tell you about a few things that are cool.

Firstly, the apartment is no longer a sauna. Long gone are the sweltering summer nights that deprived me of sleep and sanity. Now the dark sunless hours are bitterly cold and often damp, which only encourages my hybernation. As do the high thread-count sheets I received one Christmas past. It’s now cool enough to use them. Oh baby! Love me some of that Egyptian cotton!

Secondly, speaking of Christmas gifts, I got a water cooling kit for my pc this year. Normally I don’t publish a list of what I’ve received for being such a good boy, but this I have to tell you about. It’s so nifty-keen I can hardly stand it. Just opening the box was a thrill. Pulling off the foam wrap to reveal the industrial-looking brushed-aluminum exterior… wow. And then there’s all the dials and buttons and digital readouts! HA! The spectacle of it! To call it over-kill is an under-statement. I ran some benchmarking software to see what the temperature difference would be under load. After ten minutes at 100%, the cpu temp went up a degree. That’s it. A whole degree. It’s some kind of awesome, I tell you what! It’s definately time to overclock this baby…

Thirdly, the game is nearly done. No, really. Seriously. Yes! Yes, I have said that before. No, I’m not joking around. Look, do you want me to tell you or not? Ok. So the game is nearly done. A couple weeks and we’re gonna put out a version 1.0 and tell the world. Neat huh? It’s been a year in the making. Definitely a learning process. Like I keep saying, it’s been a series of non-fatal mistakes. We’re still alive to learn from them, and hopefully we won’t make the same ones next time.

But it wasn’t all mistakes. Far from it. I tend to overlook the success of this project too easily, mostly because of the fact that it’s way overdue. However, I guess one of our strengths may be that we don’t put something down until it’s done right. Anyway, I wanted to say that regardless of how well the game sells, this past year has already been a success. It’s been so much fun to be surrounded by extremely talented people all year. And we’ve created something new together. We made a game. I’ve yearned for this day since I was a kid!

I’d like to spend this next year doing exactly the same thing, and the next year, and the next*. That’s success enough for me.

*maybe a year off now and then…

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Haw haw haw hawt · posted 9. August 2005 by youth

Too hot for sleep. Just right for hours and hours of laying on damp cotton.

Adjust the fan. Listen for mosquitos. Turn over. Turn over. Need water. Cooler in the kitchen. Better in the fridge. Can’t sleep there.

Back again.

Front again. Side again. Fan goes tick. Need to pee.

To the right, garbage can. To the left, sunrise and trees and birds. Below, cool porcelain. Wash hands. Cool. Wash face. Coooool. Ok. Set.

Back (again). This time for sure (again). Fan goes tick (again).

Fan goes tick.

"Comment or die! Can you do any less?" [8]

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Unplugged · posted 28. March 2005 by youth

You know, sometimes I pretend that there’s no internet at all, and this ethernet cable really just goes into the wall and stops. Then I realize that the only possible explanation for all of you online is that my computer is a million bajillion times smarter than it’s supposed to be, and in the aeons and aeons between my pitifully slow human inputs, it has gone insane from boredom, and developed multiple personalities to compensate. The very patient ones talk to me personally. Most of them talk to each other in a furious hailstorm of emails and posts and instant messages.

I observe all this with much amusement. I laugh and clap for joy, alone.

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Ammonia and Bleach: Together at last! · posted 6. March 2005 by youth

Everyone seems to be wondering where I’ve been the last couple weeks. Well, moving for one thing. Some of you were involved in that, and if you were, thank you, but I’m missing my Sandra Bullock DVD box set and I’d really appreciate it if you’d get that back to me soon.

Anyway, back to moving. Moving took a mere day, but that’s just the simple transfer of accumulated material wealth from one place to another. The broader “transition” from the old place to the new place took an order of magnitude more time than even my most pessemistic estimates warned. The amount of junk left over from previous roommates in our multi-generational art-student hovel defied all physical laws. The house would simply not stop producing ownerless junk! Well, I suppose it did eventually.

Finishing that milestone was hardly a blessing, for once the corners and closets were clear, only then could we see the full extent of the rodent empire that had been thriving under our noses (and dishes and clothes and food) the entire time. Trails of small pellets snaked through the entire house, making it quite easy to make out the most popular routes for the legion army of wee feral beasties.

Each one of those little deposits were wiped up by hand, cursed by mouth, entombed in black plastic, and eventually laid to rest in the bowels of the earth. All surfaces were then dusted, scoured and disinfected. Individual tales of woe abound, and are left for a different occasion.

One shining gem of fortune defied my dire expectations. We each emerged from that place with no plague of any kind (my money was on haunta virus), and no apparent brain damage from exposure to the myriad of chemicals and compounds that were used in unsafe and unforseen combinations to remove the mark of the mice. I was not left completely untouched, however. I’ve developed a minor facial tick. Luckily it only manifests itself when I smell pine cleaner.

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Projector Party II : We're all winners! · posted 23. November 2004 by youth

I don’t know about the rest of you, but the big battle didn’t stop when I went to sleep after the party. My dreams were non-stop firefights and wall to wall explosions. I woke up with a start about 20 times during the night. Pretty intense. Anyway, I think that means I had fun. Or there’s something desperately wrong with me. One of the two.

Props out to my home boy, JPAllSt(*)r for abusing his administrative powers and getting us the space – that was, you know, somewhat essential. Thanks for cleaning up after us too, bud. Also kudos to everyone who brought projectors and gear – that’s sort of the whole point of the party right there. I hope you had as much fun as I did re-installing your home theatres. Thanks to everyone else for dragging themselves out to Abbotsford – that long trek seperated the real nerds from the casual geeks. That made for a pretty hard-core event.

Anyway, it’s important to note that you’re all quite essential, even if you didn’t bring anything. Just getting people out to play makes it fun for everyone. So if you had a good time on friday, you can pat yourself on the back. Everyone gets a nice green participation ribbon today. Don’t we all feel like winners now?

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Projector Party Details · posted 1. November 2004 by youth

You’re reading this because you’ve heard about the famed Projector Party. You’re a big geek, and your craving for all things electronic consumes you! Well, perhaps this event will satiate your lust for technology… for a short while. You’ll at least say wow .

These are the quick and dirty details:
-it’s November the 19th, 6:00pm till late
-it’s at Columbia Bible College
-food is availible on campus till 7:00, or there are several restaurants nearby
-the cost is $10 per person
-register by sending an email to youth and I’ll put you on the list
-we’ll have four big projectors hooked up to four xboxes, all networked
-most of the night we’ll be playing 16 player Halo2, but we’ll take breaks with other games, so bring some favourites
-further discussion (including carpools and other details) is on the forums

Spread the word. Invite your friends, invite your enemies too. It’s fun to kill both.

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Our crab died · posted 18. October 2004 by youth

We think. We haven’t found a body yet, in or out of the tank, but we’re pretty sure he escaped into “the big dry”. I’m not sure why they do this, but it seems to be some sort of game that our seafood plays with us. First they go hide and die, and then they play a game of hot and cold with our noses. I guess they think it’s pretty funny. I think they’re pretty stupid.

For some reason, it was vitally important to tell you this.

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I live with nerds · posted 14. October 2004 by youth

I’m one of them, so it’s cool. We have our own house, a small area that’s just for us. We mostly keep to ourselves, but occasionally some more nerds will arrive and we do nerd things together. We’re basically like a leper-colony, except we just suffer from chronic paleness.

Our house is quite old, but the rent is cheap. Everything creaks when stepped on, and the whole house shakes when big trucks drive by. In general, the structure is… “not entirely stable”. I swear the only thing keeping it together is all ethernet wire we’ve strung about the place.

The walls are pretty thin too, so at any one time you can hear a number of various projects on the go – whining electric motors, grinding metal sounds, the dull pounding of one blunt object into another. The individual noises rise and fall in a symphony of creative output, punctuated at times by cursing or laughter (mostly cursing). Even when everyone puts their tools to rest, it’s never really quiet. You can walk around the place in the dead of night and still be surrounded with the omnipresent whir of cooling fans, the nearly ultra-sonic whine of video monitors, and the steady purr of various pumps. The whole place hums with machinery. It’s very much like the background noise you hear inside a space ship on TV.

This place can be an adventure for the nose as well. When the garbage is finally taken out, you can smell other things in the house besides rotting food waste. Of course we always have several pots and kettles on the go, happily percolating or steeping or brewing caffinated beverages of varying strengths and flavours. Then there’s the common nerd stuff, like solder and resin, burning plastic, and of course the myriad of super glues, epoxies, and aerosol propellants. Oh yes, and enough ozone and carbon monoxide to asphixiate most wildlife (to be fair, you can’t smell the carbone monoxide). Then you get into the special smells, like fibreglass or freshly exploded capacitors. I’ll never forget the suffocating sulfer cloud that overtook the entire house one night. I’ve never been woken up by a smell before, but this one was so bad I could hardly breathe. It turned out to be a surplus “organic” battery that had accidentally be short circuited and had, well, reacted… all over the place.

Day to day, it all seems pretty normal. I don’t really think about it too much, until something happens or something is said that reminds me of the situation. For example, the other day Colin threw a random somethingerother at Art, and it landed on his desk – crash! Let’s pause here for just a sec. You’ve just thrown something at a nerd’s desk. What do you expect you’ll hit?

a) a computer
b) a chess set
c) d&d character sheets
d) sci-fi figurines

e) None of the above. Un-pause… Art yells, “You hit the autopilot, you bastard!” The autopilot… which Art has constructed and programmed to fly an unmanned glider from more than eighty thousand feet in the sky to a pre-determined spot on the ground, using GPS and various other sensors. That, and everything else just sorta hit me at once and I had a good laugh. Heh. I live with nerds.

"Comment or die! Can you do any less?" [4]

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Projector Party II: The Revenge! · posted 16. September 2004 by youth

It was so fun the first time, it seems only natural to do it again. The projector party I mean. I’m pretty sure you’re all familiar with the concept. We pick a large sheltered area suitable for our activities, and then our legions of geek soldiers (arms laden with nefarious gadgets, megachips, and lengths of wire) descend upon it and slowly transform it into a pulsing, glowing hive of technology. Actually, we’re kinda like the borg that way.

Anyway, I’m much too busy and uninspired at the moment to create a good promo for this event, so I’ll link to the original one for now, and maybe later I’ll record a song or something. Please note that all the details are completely wrong and do not apply to this event.

This year I promise not to fuss over everyone like some 1950’s hostess. In fact, I promise to:

-not wear an apron
-ignore the needs of others
-obstruct the view of other people who are playing
-laugh out loud at things that only I think are funny
-cuss randomly for no apparent reason
-attempt to start conversations about inappropriate topics
-tell more than one person there that he/she is “the greatest”

I may not even be invited back next year! So come on out and watch me make an ass of myself. Oh, and play some Halo 2 as well. Oh yeah – Halo 2 has been promised to us on November 9th, so we’re going to hold this event at the first possible weekend. That means the 12th. [Ed. THIS HAS BEEN CHANGED TO THE 19th!] Hopefully after reading this site you’ve been berated into buying a calendar, so find it and write this down.

Hand in hand with this incredible and life-changing announcement is the grand opening of The RastaBBQ Forum* , where you are encouraged to discuss this and other BBQ related issues. Go on, now. Discuss!

*props to Konrad, who astutely pointed out that a forum would be more organized and less annoying than searching madly for some meaningful content in an endless stack of mind-numbingly childish emails. It would be more of an “opt-in” thing, rather than a “I-just-got-back-from-work-and-my-inbox-is-full-I-hate-you-all” thing.

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X-Treme Lack of Title! · posted 26. August 2004 by youth

You must excuse the lack of updates lately. It’s summer! Seriously. I’m just too busy with my “x-treme” high-octane, globe-trotting, martini-drinking, break-dancing, roof-rasin’, pants-optional lifestyle to sit at the computer all day! If you don’t believe that, then perhaps you’ll listen to me rant about the pitfalls of writing for a website with a web-client that doesn’t ask you to save when you restart your computer. No, huh? I lost a lot of work ya know. You don’t care?

Fine. Then listen to me speak favourably about the so-called “degradation” of the weather. So there’s rain, clouds, and wind in the middle of August. I say it’s an improvement! And that’s not because I need justification for my “x-treme”-ly underwhelming, low-impact, shut-in, introverted, pale-skinned, pants-optional lifestyle. I’m just tired of looking out the window and seeing all the sunshine land on other people. I’m inside with no sun, and they’re outside with sun. It sets off a deep-rooted paranoia I have that other people may be having more fun than I am.

Man, I hate that. I try not to think of it too much, but I’m sure that right now, someone is having a better time than me (it had better not be you – I’ll cut you!). In fact, there are probably lots of people having a better time than me! Arrgh! How come I’m not doing what they’re doing? I want to be there too, so I can either join in or make sure they stop having fun so I don’t have to worry about them.

It’s not that I’m having a bad time. Life is good. But maybe it could be better! Maybe I could listen to more interesting music. Or eat at more funky restaurants. Or wear more fashionable clothes. Or hang out with cooler friends! Yeah…

We’d all hang out at funky restaurants in our fashionable clothes and talk about all the interesting music we were listening to. We’d say “wow, I’m having such a great time right now” and “man, I’d feel sorry for everyone else, but that would be too much of a downer” and “that piece is nice, good composition obviously – but I tend to like his earlier work”. Sigh…

Instead, I hang out in my own house, wearing my nerdy clothes, and talk about computers, and computer related issues. I say things like “wow, I’m having such a frustrating time right now” and “man I’d feel sorry for people who don’t have a computer, but I can’t email them the appropriate emoticon anyhow” and “aww crap, they’re in our base, killing our dudes! someone hop in a mega-flyer and nuke ‘em!”

I guess I sort of enjoy that stuff too. Maybe just a little. It helps that my paranoia is not nearly as strong as the intense hatred I feel towards people who are normal, or even “cool”. Have you ever hung out with those people? They’re actually really lame. Most of them don’t even have broadband.

"Comment or die! Can you do any less?" [3]

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Assuming you care, · posted 5. August 2004 by youth

My sister gave me a Samurai sword for my birthday a few days ago. As with most of my friends (who like me, are forgetful or lazy or both), we have a late birthday present treaty. Anyway I’ve already cut myself with this thing. I’m glad I did though (well, not really), because it got me thinking about my assumptions. These are the things I assume are true, moment by moment; the “givens” of my life, you could say. For example, I used to assume that since I am now twenty-six years old and a fully grown adult, I am responsible enough to keep a four foot long razor sharp sword as a toy. This is clearly not true! I was completely wrong about that. My one consolation is that I did not return the sword to its sheath without drawing blood, honouring the ancient tradition of… uh, ebi-sunimono. Something like that.

I go through life assuming all sorts of things. “I can read an analog watch correctly.” “I don’t need to wear my glasses ALL the time.” “I can drive an automobile without hitting people.” “I don’t need to count my change.” “This is probably chicken.” “I don’t look like an idiot with this hat on.” “I’m smart enough to run my life.”

Obviously, these assumptions make me a danger to myself and others. That last one is really a problem. I decided a while back to stop assuming that I was smart. It hasn’t really changed my behaviour, I’m just less surprised when I do something dumb. I guess I just finally realized that I’m not quite as brilliant as my parents often said I was. And hey, that’s ok. It’s good to be realistic about these things.

That said, it’s still a scary thing to realize that you’re as smart as you’ll ever be (really, I think I peaked at about ten). That’s it. That’s all you get. Freaky huh? You’ve got to make it the rest of the way with this much and no more. Ever think about all those people who’s job it is to run the world? They’re not smarter than you, ya know. In many cases, they’re dumber. Ain’t none of us improving with age, neither.

Consider the following: You are of above average intelligence (see? I knew it!). Well, do you know what’s going on in the world, Miss or Mister Smarty Pants? Do you really know anything at all? Isn’t it kind of scary that you, a person of considerable intellectual prowess, cannot reason his or her way out of a wet paper bag some days? What of the slobbering masses who have to get by without your all-encompassing intellect? Scary huh? When you stop assuming everyone knows what they’re doing, the world looks less like a finely tuned swiss watch and more like a big wobbly house of cards… where the tenants keep yelling at each other all the time, digging up the yard and dumping garbage in there, playing music that everyone else hates, and setting fire to the place. Some of them are tossing grenades into other rooms and then moving in there. I wonder what all this looks like from space. Probably stupid.

Ahem. Well, in order to even get up in the morning, you really have to assume it’s going to be worthwhile, right? So I suppose there are some “good” assumptions that help you face the day. “Probably nobody will punch me in the face.” “My home will not explode.” “My job is so fun.” “I am a very cool person.” “Most people are really interested in reading long-winded segues into snippets of travel journals.”

Well, we decided to blame all our problems on the town of Dali itself – a suitable scapegoat, since it cannot defend itself. We left the doom cloud there and moved on… by overnight train! Oh boy! They stack ‘em three bunks high in economy (a.k.a. “hard sleeper”), so we toughed it out amid the acrid smoke and shrill yelling. We were just thanking our lucky stars there were no livestock on board, and we made darned sure we weren’t BELOW any children (those of you who have heard the airplane story will understand). However, the top bunks are somewhat dangerous because of the way the brakes work on these trains. They are either ON or OFF. When they are ON, the train slows down very quickly, and the cars all crash into one another. To the inside observer, this is very much like a small earthquake, and those in the top bunks can be thrown to the floor. The bottom bunks are more expensive.

Anyway, off to Shi Lin to see the “stone forests”. These are strange rock formations that are scattered all over the area surrounding this small town. They must be very heavy and strong to survive amidst the inevitable rice and tobacco fields that also surround the town. Well, they’re actually in between the towns too – everywhere really. One thing I’ve noticed about this country is that very little land is undeveloped in some way. For instance (and back to the topic), the high concentration of stones that constitute the “forest” cannot be farmed. Poof! Tourist attraction! Seriously though, it was quite amazing. You’ll have to see the pictures to understand.

The hostel we stayed at turned out to be a hotel, although our theory is that it was recently abandoned. The sheets were clean, but everything seemed heavily water damaged, and the plumbing was in severe disrepair. Also, we were the only ones there. The hot water was promised again and again, and eventually they gave up fixing the boiler and offered to drive us to a shower. We had a meeting over that one. You never really know where you’re going to end up. I can’t really emphasize that enough – you can end up ANYWHERE, and with major changes to your health and wealth. Our naivite (probably our smell) ended up winning the argument, and we accepted the offer. We were driven to this cement bunker on a farm. It looked like some sort of large garage. Inside, it had individual shower partitions, each with it’s own iron door. I felt like I was in some prison. It was full of echos and rust (oh God, please let that be rust) stains. We could hear one another, so that made it easier to handle. I pulled on the valve lever. Whew! No gas. Instead… HOT water! So that made for a good shower. Also, we weren’t robbed or killed! Yay! We were pretty happy about that, and I’m sure you are now too! :)

Erika got quite sick in Shi Lin – very high fever, body ache, the usual bowel troubles, etc. The doctor (a.k.a. “resident lunatic”) was no help, so we consulted the good old Lonely Planet (our second bible) for a quick self-diagnosis. We placed our bets and dicided to risk a wide spectrum anti-biotic that Anne Marie was carrying for this sort of thing. It worked, but that was a bit scary. We were considering taking a plane back to a major city, but right now they won’t let you into the airport with a fever for fear of SARS.

So now we’re in Guilin, or rather, 1 hour away in a small town called Yangshuo. We took a 20 hour train, soft sleeper this time – four bunks in a private room. Erika needed the sleep, so it was a good excuse to splurge this time. The scenery on the way was AMAZING… almost as amazing as the scenery here in town! Fully two thirds of the ride was either on a bridge or in a tunnel because of the large number of small mountains here. It’s like what you’ve seen in pictures and movies about southeast asia – it looks much like Vietnam. The land is flat here, with these large mounds popping out everywhere, covered in jungle.

However… it’s still raining. I forgot to tell you, but it’s rainy season here, and in the Yunan province that we just left, the massive floods have claimed tens of lives already. We were thinking “Gee, it sure is raining a lot”, and then we saw the pictures on tv. Crazy. We’re very lucky that the tracks and roads we’ve been using have not been washed out. Please pray that this is still the case in the coming days!

That’s about it for now. Thanks for the health advice, Nic! ;) Much love to all – despite the weather we’re all feeling much much better and laughing our way through it.

One assumption I hold dear is: “No matter what, everything will turn out all right… eventually.” That one’s pretty much essential I think. So far this has not been proven false, and I know Who to thank for that.

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Dos Box, por favor · posted 29. July 2004 by youth

Well, it turns out there’s a pill for everything nowadays, so now everything is wonderful.

I’m sure everyone who’s reading this has heard me say that games nowadays totally suck and old games are way better. That’s a bit of a hyperbole (like most of what I say), but for your sake, I’ll limit that statement to single player games (you know I still like playing DC with you guys). Nothing beats the early nineties for PC gaming, in my opinion. I’m talking StarControl II, XCom, Master of Orion, X-Wing, Civilization, and Dune2. I still get watery-eyed over these titles when I speak of them (I’m blinking back the tears even now). The vibrant and glorious 8-bit images sooth my weary soul and beckon me back to another world – where what I do is much more important and much less mundane than, well, real life. Ahhh, and the music… those ancient tones change something in my brain. There is no external sign of my hidden inner euphoria except at the edges of my mouth, where they curl ever so slightly.

Naturally, I try to keep my old cast-iron 486 in good working condition so that I can relive my childhood (minus gym class)whenever I feel the need. That maintainence actually takes a bit of effort, you know. It’s similar to what I imagine a classic car enthusiast goes through on a monthly basis. There’s cleaning (lots of that), fixing the wiring (somehow it gets unfixed every month), making sure the air flow is good, etc. Fortunately, there are no fluids involved, so that’s nice. On the other hand, you’ve still got to deal with bad memory and old drivers.

Well, no longer! Err… for me, anyhow. I know DosBox has been around for a good while now. But I just discovered it and it makes me
SO
HAPPY
So yeah, I JUST figured it out. People have been telling me about it for ages, but I never listened. Big whoop, wanna fight about it? Go check out DosBox if you haven’t already.

And now, the inevitable:

So the next day (aren’t you excited?) we all decided to head out for a bike tour together. It was sunny when we decided this. By the time we arranged for the guide and got the bikes, it was raining. Did I say raining? I meant some other thing that’s like raining, only more. It rains in Vancouver. It does something else here. Some previously unknown reservoir of water is obviously in geosynchonous orbit high above southern China, and it occasionally ejects its entire store of water in about 20 minutes, then fills again. This is the best I’ve come up with so far. So yeah, it was doing that. We decided to go anyway. We later found out that in the nine years that our guide had been working, we were the first group who had gone out in a rainstorm. Makes some sense I guess. The roads were flooding like crazy, and the twenty inches of water made our progress slow – our feet were submerged half the time! But you know what? That was some of the best fun I’ve had this trip. It’s a nice warm rain anyhow – plus we had ponchos on. Who cares? It was nuts – everyone else was under the awnings, looking at the insane white people out on their bikes. We waved.

We quickly left the town and were soon in farm land. Rice paddies and tobacco mostly. The scenery… wow. Those small hills are so cool – I can’t get over them. Especially when you can see more and more in the distance, and the mist from the rain makes the farther ones hazy. We rode and rode, and the weather got better and better. Eventually the sun came out and the air was clean and everything was that much more beautiful. We saw the river – it was busting out all over the place. It looked big and fast with all the extra water. We stopped at one place (for a price) which featured a 1400 year old banyan tree (or so we were told), and several exotic and sickly looking animals. The fun part there was crossing the flooded river at this point where it was mysteriously shallow. Only after we crossed did we realize that it was a submerged bridge!

More riding… and then the caves! After haggling over the price (we’d learned what the real price for Chinese was) we entered into the “Buddha Caves”, named after a rock formation inside the cave that, very loosely, resembles a Buddha. The great thing about this cave is that there was no coloured lighting so common to tourist caves. The whole thing was very raw… and very dangerous. It was hard hats, ladders, and ropes all the way. I was amazed at where we went and what we could touch. And good heavens, the liability!! We would never, ever, EVER, be allowed to do this stuff at home. We ended up crawling through a small opening (at our request mind you) no higher than eight or ten inches, half submerged in water. All the formations were deadly sharp too – I cut up my shirt in front and back. But wow, what a great experience! It was thrilling the whole way through – I felt like Indiana Jones!

After about two hours of amateur spelunking (and another 30 meters down), we came to the mud cave area. This is a large “room” with… a lot of mud in it. And people too. We came upon another tour that was just finishing up. It was comprised of several brown huminoid forms ambling around and hooting, and one not-muddy tourguide looking on. We looked at each other, shrugged, stripped down (bathing suits folks, this was a family trip) and jumped in. It was more fun than it looked – quite hysterical even. I mean, hey, how often do you get to play in a massive mud puddle? And yet, the danger still lurked. For below all this mud lay the ever present pointy rocks! So there were yet more cuts and scrapes, but mostly more fun. Nothing is free I guess. Anyway, that place was a blast – I’ll never forget it.

It was dark when we got out of there. We cleaned off in the fading edge of twilight and started home along the highway – a faster route than when we came. Alex’s blinking headlamp was affixed to my backpack, and I trailed the others to (hopefully) ward off some of the cars who prefer to pass on the shoulder. It was another twenty minutes of bliss, each alone with their own thoughts and reverie. I used some of the time to thank God for granting me these incredible experiences. What a blessing indeed!

I’m back in Beijing now. The original plan was for Alex and Erika to return at this point, but for myself and Anne-Marie to remain in the south until it was time for me to leave (I leave from Hong Kong). But, due to some health and money issues (and I’m sure she missed her man quite a bit), I decided it would be best if we all returned to Beijing together. And it’s worked out just fine. I’ve seen and purchased a few things I didn’t have time to before we left, and being the decadent materialistic westerner that I am, that makes me happy.

A dissappointing note: I have so far not been able to secure a pair of pants that go up to my armpits. I have been told that Vietnam is more appropriate for such custom couture. So that will have to wait. I have, however, purchased several shirts with english text that don’t make any sense, and some tacky Mao merchandise. I’ve refrained from buying any of you any gifts though – most of what I’ve seen at the markets doesn’t really belong in any of your houses. I was toying with some gaudy gift ideas, relishing in advance the awkward silence that would precede your forced smiles and false gratitude… but I wouldn’t do that to you. So you can thank me for that instead.

Doom3 is out today, if you’re into that sort of thing. I’ll probably get it, but not till I finally finish Wolfenstein3D.

"Comment or die! Can you do any less?" [8]

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You suck too · posted 26. July 2004 by youth

Ok, so I think I caught some sort of virus that makes everything suck… and now everything sucks. This website sucks. My computer sucks. Life sucks. Everything sucks. I did some thinking (boy did that suck), and it occurred to me that everything used to rock, and nothing has really changed since then. Everything should still rock just as hard now as is it did before. Harder even, because I went and did some stuff that totally rocked. Except now all that stuff sucks too. Even stuff that rocks, sucks now. In fact, those things suck more, just for rocking, because rocking sucks. Man, this whole paragraph sucks. I’m so over it.

Anyway, I don’t know why you’d bother reading this (it totally sucks), but I’m going to post it anyway. It’s an excerpt from an email I sent while I was in China (China sucks). Here goes:

On the second to last day, we spent the morning at one of the many street cafes that line “foreigner’s street”. It’s fun just to kick back for a few hours at a time, sipping tea or lemon juice (it’s quite nice actually), watching the mini-storms surprise everyone with a quick dump of rain, making funny faces for the numerous pictures that the all-too-obvious chinese tourists pretend NOT to be taking of you, practicing new and exciting techniques to ward off the endless stream of “touts” who try to sell you everything from umbrellas (actually useful), to dog meat and fresh produce (after we’ve just eaten at the restaurant – you know, otherwise I’d totally go for a dog meat / leechy nut sandwich). It was during one of our frequent streetside reveries that Alex and I decided something must be done. Something great. We were going to climb a mountain. Many peaks towered above our new residence – naturally we decided to scale the tallest one; the one with all the antennas and such poking out the top.

The first step in our plan was to ascertain the whereabouts of a pre-existing trail we could use to aid our ascent. As much as I like landscaping, I didn’t think that carving a steep path through the jungle would be all that enjoyable. We made our inquiries and headed out around towards the back of town. No likely trails started anywhere near where we were told. We wandered randomly (but enthusiastically) through a small residential area which was partially flooded, and gathered a train of “advisors” who each had a different take on the situation. They ended up arguing with each other in the hot sun, and that’s where we left them. After talking to two small children who said that what we were looking for was not on this side of the mountain, we went back into town and started again.

Much more success this time… eventually. The final discovery still required of us more wandering through a labyrinth of stairs and walkways, past confused villiagers, who, when asked about the path, seemed to be quite sure (I imagined what they were saying) that the path was definately “not in their yard”. Anyway we found it and started up.

Much to our delight, the path was actually a staircase of stone. Much to our dismay, it was very poorly built, and therefore gave a very dangerous illusion of safety. It ended up being a loose, stair-shaped collection of stones. Still better than mud, so there’s that. The “climb” up (seems almost shameful to do any boasting about going up a long flight of stairs) was quite a bit tougher than anticipated. This was mostly due to the heat and humidity. What would have taken about twenty minutes at home took us just over an hour, since we couldn’t cool down at all. It was really weird. Frequent stops, plus Alex’s repeated assurance that we would reach the top “very soon” (he’s been in China too long), got me to the top.

The top – what a mess! The view was quite remarkable, but the state of the peak was, well… messy. Aside from all the tall masts and dishes that we saw from the city, the ground was strewn with old fallen antennae and broken dishes, plus thick electrical and signal cables. It was a big scrap heap. The one building seemed to be occupied, as there were two air conditioning units active at the side. Nobody was there that we could see, and the inside was just as messy – electronic components of every sort littered the floor.

Around the other side was an abandoned tram car station, and the other half of the marvelous view (can’t say enough about it). We spent some time there eating snacks and drinking water, and then talking to a group of Brits that made it up after us.

Man that sucked. I’m so sorry.

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Just my pinyin · posted 22. July 2004 by youth

I woke up a few minutes ago. When I saw that both my clock and watch said 5:30 pm(!), I suspected I was the target of an amateur rouse. Now that I’ve confirmed that the sun is well into its evening descent, I know for certain that I’m the victim of an elaborate deception. My best theory so far is that I’m still in China, and I’ve been captured by communist agents. They’ve constructed a detailed facsimile of my house and immediate surroundings (and certain stellar bodies), complete with advanced android roommates. It’s so obvious! My only hope is to somehow overload the logic circuits of my robotic observers by posing a question which is unanswerable. If only they hadn’t drugged me, I could think of one!

In the mean time, I will favour you with some tales of the magestic orient. First of all, if you enjoy calm atmospheres, clean streets, honest salespersons, breatheable air, dairy products, proper toilets, safe electrical wiring, and anonymity… STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THERE! If, on the other hand, you can’t get enough of the smell of human filth, massive and pushy crowds, getting ripped off, haggling, coughing, exposure to potentially fatal bacteria, communism, electrical shocks, constant attention, and extreme bowel movements… by all means, China is for you!

Seriously though, I had a great time. You get used to all that stuff pretty quick. There is no escape for you once you’re there, so you have no choice but to make peace with your surroundings. Besides, what’s the point of going someplace that’s exactly the same as where you left? And how can I dictate what is normal when I’m in someone else’s country? If you let this stuff rub you the wrong way, you won’t have any skin left. If you get over it, you’ll get to experience some amazing things.

They’ve got culture in bulk. Plus, it’s all for sale. Sad but true, it’s all for sale. They know their music, art, and clothing are different than ours, and very old and all that, and they know you’ll buy it. It’s a huge money making machine. When you go to the markets, you find stall after stall of the exact same stuff over and over and over again. I’m serious – I don’t just mean similar pots and pictures and sculptures, I mean the exact same items from the same factory. It’s very strange! And the Forbidden City – hundreds and hundreds walk through there every day. Forbidden indeed – they let Starbucks set up a shop in there! Sadly, it’s only forbidden to the poor. They charge more than a week’s wages to get in. But that’s not the point I’m trying to make. Yes, it’s all for sale, but there is still some value in it. You can still enjoy the market for what it is – really get into the haggling and understand what “saving face” is all about. You can go to the Forbidden City and still be impressed. You can find an old, unrestored part of the Great Wall and marvel at it. On and on…

They’ve got incredible geography. Wow. I mean it – wow! Some of the stuff I’ve seen there is just incredible, and I just scratched the surface. It’s impossible to really express except in pictures (yes, a photo gallery is long overdue for this site), especially since I’m not a geologist, and neither are you. There are regions where there are thousands and thousands of these small, round hills as far as you can see. They look so beautiful in the mist. There are crazy rock formations that just jut out of the ground – they call them “stone forests”. There are tons of neat caves you can go explore. There are vast hills and valleys ringed in terraced fields – they look like elevation lines on topographical maps. There are huge river networks and deltas and lakes. And tall mountains. And vast deserts. On and on…

They have immense collective power. Love or hate this about China, but they can pretty much do whatever the hell they want. There are lots and lots of people, and they’re all controlled by a small group of puppet masters. To a westerner, their unified vision and purposeful execution is very impressive. The government doesn’t need to listen to any voters or public opinion polls, or environmental groups, or even common sense. They can just think up something cool to do, and they do it. The three gorges dam is a good (well, it’s actually bad) example. It’s quite scary to think of what will happen in the coming years as this country emerges into a superpower (it’s pretty much already there). As Colin likes to say, “sharp tools, deep cuts”. But for all that unified vision I mentioned, the labour set-up there is extremely inefficient. For example, it takes ten people to run a 7-11. Well, I doubt very much the complexity of the situation requires ten people, but ten people are always there. What I’m told is that the government requires that ten people run the store. There’s a big “make work” party going on, and everyone is invited! At the wages they pay though, it doesn’t make much difference how many people they employ. A building is built, and then immediately the front is torn off and replaced with a different design because of poor planning. A safety barrier is set up around a construction site, and then it is painted. Instead of using a drop cloth, they simply have someone come and scrape the paint off the sidewalk with a piece of metal – another month’s work! On and on…

And on. There’s a lot to say about China, but perhaps I’ll just give you a few highlights in the coming days. Specifics are probably more interesting (and accurate) than sweeping generalizations. They’re a lot more funny too. I promise.

"Comment or die! Can you do any less?" [9]

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Hey! You're someone else! · posted 10. June 2004 by youth

Just wanted to let you know that instead of throwing in with the rest of you in our little crucible of destruction this evening, I’ll be watching legions of sweaty french men in colourful full-body leotards perform daring and exciting stunts (gymnastic and acrobatic in nature) for my amusement. For my amusement. I like the sound of that. It makes me feel like a king. These people will perform for my amusement. Ahhh… that’s the real power of money, isn’t it? Sure you can buy stuff with it. That’s no big deal. It’s just stuff. It has no will of its own. Buying people, now that’s a blast!

I discovered this early as a child. The whole concept of having other people do stuff for you is a powerful one. And it doesn’t always take money. It works with other currency too: popularity, friendship, violence, information. The great part about those things is that they cost no money, which, when you’re a kid, is exactly how much you have. All it takes is a little observation and a willingness to stir the pot a bit. Once there is a good conflict brewing, these things are more valuable and you can get what you want for cheap.

This sort of trade has a wide variety of applications. The obvious one, of course, is having people do stuff for you that you could do yourself, but just don’t want to. That’s the whole slave / servant scene, and I imagine that gets really boring really fast.

The real fun, I think, is getting other people to do stuff that is too risky (either physically or legally dangerous) for you to do yourself, but still amusing enough that you’d like to see it done anyhow. Everyone can think of a situation where you’ve wondered what would happen if somebody stuck his hand here or there, pulled that fire alarm, kicked over that particular motorcycle. Actually, in most cases you pretty much know what the result would be. But that makes it all the more imperative that somebody else goes and does it! As a witness, you’ll receive all the benefits of the experience and none of the bruises or jail time. What more could you ask for?

The last application is of course getting people to do stuff that you can’t do yourself. This is really where the whole concept loses its magic, for me anyway. Yes, in some respect you’re in control, but essentially you’ve just paid someone else to show you how much better they are than you. They’ve got the unique skill that you don’t have, and you gotta pay.

Well, this evening doesn’t seem quite as cool any more. I’m gonna have to try and get that king feeling back again. If anyone else is going to the show, I’ll be the guy in the purble robes shouting “DANCE LITTLE FRENCHIES! DANCE!!”.

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A picture is worth a thousand words · posted 26. May 2004 by youth

Which is great, because I’m in no mood to write. After surviving what I thought at the time was ebola (I was later diagnosed with “NorwegianBirdFluSARSCancer”, and dry mouth), and consequently missing the sailing trip I’d been looking forward to for months (I even had my pirate hat re-feathered)... I was woken up at 6:30 this morning by the police. Always a treat! I was way too tired to be worried. The good constable informed me that my car had been broken into. I said ok and could I please go back to bed. He said no and insisted that I go outside in my pyjamas and get rained on. We both looked at the car together. It had been broken into, just like he said. He asked me questions. Yes, this was my car. Yes, I lived here. No, my window was not smashed in when I parked it last. Yes, there used to be a stereo in the big hole where all the wires were sticking out. He told me I should probably get the window fixed as soon as possible. I stared at him blankly. Satisfied that he’d done his job, he left me standing on a mound of broken safety glass, my flannel-covered shoulders dark with moisture. Then, as now, I failed to understand exactly what we had just accomplished. My car had still been broken into, but now it was fifteen minutes later, and I was significantly wetter. I went inside.

Well, enough wallowing in self-pity. In Desert Combat related news, the good Doctorb has made a suggestion for upcoming games. Take screenshots of your favourite moments during the evening, and I’ll post the best ones on the site. Sound good? I’ll even kick things off with one of my own. To the right you can see me flying an F-14 in my own particular style.

If we zoom in a bit, you can see me saying hello to Dr. Nick “Stinger” Riviera in my own particular style.

See you thursday, and remember take lots of pictures. Fake ‘em if you have to.

"Comment or die! Can you do any less?" [8]

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Heartbeat · posted 6. May 2004 by youth

Sorry, but I’m all out of advice for the time being. Well, aside from the obvious: “Never get involved in a land war in Asia.” and the only slightly less well known: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.” Anyway, I thought I’d at least send out a little message to reassure you that yes, I’m still alive and able to operate a computer, and more importantly, tonight’s operation is a go. We had halfway decent turn out last time, and you can expect more tonight.

On that note, I heard a rumour that Gotcha has made a full recovery after his monitor suddenly exploded last thursday. If the future is supposed to be anything like Star Trek, I say it’s already here. Exploding instrument panels account for more fatalities on that show than death rays and falling styrofoam rocks combined. I’m sure we can expect to see monitor related deaths increase dramatically as time goes on.

Well, we each have our individual dangers to face and challenges to overcome, but if you can find the strength to claw your way onto our server, I can guarantee we’ll make it worth your while. We’ll double your peril or your money back.

battlefield.rastabbq.com
teamspeak.rastabbq.com

"Comment or die! Can you do any less?" [14]

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Star Chores · posted 29. April 2004 by youth

Well, I left out an item from the last post and I got called on it. A thoughtful reader (Mrs. Dr. Nick Riviera) asked just where wives stand in my admittedly austere view of the gaming world.

I should first of all back up a few paces and say that the last post was meant entirely to chastise those people who did not show up for the last game, by ridiculing their lame excuses in a public forum. I felt a little goading for the lazy and distracted was in order. Since both Dr. and Mrs. Riviera were both kind enough to wage war with us last week, there was no reason to critisize the better half of that union. But, if you really want to know what I think about that great institution…

You must turn your wife to the dark side! You know the power of the dark side of the force. You knew that once you started down that path, forever it would dominate your destiny… and consumed you it has! Well, why not share that healthy addiction with your significant other? After all, if she could be turned, she would become a powerful asset. So here’s what you gotta do, guys. Put on your best black robe, get down on one knee and say those eternal words: “My love… Join me, and together we will put an end to this destructive conflict and rule the galaxy as husband and wife! It is your destiny.” Now, this may not work right away, and it’s possible that you may even have to trade her some yard work or something like that. It’s worth it though. She’d probably just ask you to do that crap for free anyway.

In closing, I’d like to say that far from being a hinderance to the online gaming scene, Mrs. Dr. Nick has shown impressive patience and open-mindedness towards our recent militaristic exploits. She has not only proven herself as a supportive wife, but also as a capable soldier. Truely, the Riviera household is a shining example of how a modern marriage can be victorious on all fronts. The only thing left to do is to find Mrs. Riviera a suitable nickname. May I suggest… Obi-Wan CanObey?

Hoooboy… I’m dead. One last thing – I regret nothing!

"Comment or die! Can you do any less?" [3]

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More advice from on high · posted 27. April 2004 by youth

Howdy kids! Well, it seems like about half of you had some logistical problems in getting to our little war. YOU ARE WEAK AND PATHETIC! However, being the helpful person I am, I’ve addressed some of the issues you were having. Behold, I have forced forth a frothy foam of friendly facilitating facts for all you floundering f… ellows about online play. They will no doubt assist you to show up for the upcoming battles.

You should own a calendar. You should really know what day it is. Really. Most people do. It’s important for things like dentist appointments, important business meetings, and oh, I dunno… playing battlefield with your friends on a particular day? The rest of the world agreed what day it was a long, long time ago, and now we’re all waiting for you. On a related note, some people prefer to wear something known as a “watch”. A watch will tell you both the time and date. It is traditionally worn on the wrist, and is therefore a very convenient way of accessing these two important items.

You need to actually have the game in order to play it. I know this one seems pretty basic, and yes it was on the site already, but two people (you know who you are) didn’t have a copy of the game by thursday. Here’s a tip for you pre-historic cavemen: here in the bronze age, we exchange money for goods and services! Surely in today’s hyper-materialistic culture, you have learned how to enter a store, acquire the items you need, and then go home… or you’ve at least seen somebody else do it! Do I need to remind you of your sole purpose in society? It’s buying stuff! Now get to it!

Patches take time to download. Oh, there was some pain last thursday, and I’m not talking about teh doctorb ruining my brand new MiG with a cheap stinger missile. I’m talking about weeping and gnashing of teeth, because some of you waited till the last minute to patch. Just one patch, you thought… how bad could it be? Suprise! It’s 700mB! That’s a big download, and more importantly, that’s a long time. So don’t put that off – do it today! And don’t think that I’ll burn it to cd and drive to your house, because I won’t!

Your other friends suck. It’s true. If they were cool, they’d be playing with us. Besides, they don’t care about you. They don’t understand you. But we do. We have a bond that goes much deeper than your petty aquaintances. And it can only be expressed with weapons of mass destruction. Just think, friends. Every time a mortar round lands in your lap, every time a scud blows you to the moon, every time a jeep runs you over… that’s a little message that says “you’re like a brother to me”. Man, I’m getting all misty here. Next item!

You can’t have a girlfriend. You can’t. I know they look like fun, but they just get in the way. They don’t want to play video games. They just want to go outside for walks, or talk about their feelings or do some other crazy girl stuff. Seriously, you need to think about your priorities. “But she’s always there for me!”, I can hear you say. Well duh! That’s because you’re always there for her… and not playing with us! I promise you, if you’re gaming instead of paying attention to her, the problem will solve itself. Remember, video games were there for you long before she came around. They’ll still be here for you when she finally realizes you’re a total geek and dumps your sorry ass. And we’ll still be here too.

I hope that helps to clear up any problems you may have coming out this week. Remember, here at the bbq, each and every one of you are special. Your absence is noticed. Also, we talk about you behind your back.

To those of you who manged to make it out last week, you have my thanks. There were one or two hiccups of course, but in the end I think we all managed to have a few laughs at one another’s expense. For the new players, you can expect a more noob friendly format next time. I’m sorry I didn’t have a plan to accomodate various levels of experience – this will be corrected next time. Also, we hope to solve that punkbuster issue. You know the one that kicks any player named “Caped Chameleon” off the server for no apparent reason? Yeah, that one.

In other news, I’ve been remiss in my duties. I mean besides my apparent tardiness in offering you foaming mongrel hordes a new post. I promised you more “tasteful” flash animations, and there I failed you. Please forgive me.

"Comment or die! Can you do any less?" [3]

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Just one more sleep! · posted 21. April 2004 by youth

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m so excited about tomorrow night that I can hardly stand up. On further inspection, it appears that my muscles have atrophied to a point where they can no longer support my weight. I had considered some sort of exercise routine, but I suppose now I that isn’t really an option. Oh well, at least I’m already sitting at my computer. Which means I’m all ready for:

BATTLEFIELD BBQ MADNESS! Tomorrow night at 7:00! Ports open at 6:00, so connect early and sort out your network issues in advance! Until then, here are a few ways you can prepare for the big event:

Appropriate clothing. Proper gaming involves a little bit of roleplay, and a suitable outfit can make the virtual experience seem more real. For example, wearing chemical gear indoors is perfect for Desert Combat, because within about one minute you’ve sweat away about half your body’s water – just like the desert!

Hip accessories. More things to make the experience complete; mostly just stuff that looks cool on your desk. This is really just a follow up to the previous item. I took another picture though, so I needed some text to go here.

Custom peripherals. Be sure to make any necessary modifications to your input devices and other peripherals. Consumer electronics were made to serve you, not the other way around. Remember, warranties are for chumps, so don’t be afraid to get the tools out and be creative.

Proper nutrition. Gaming is stressful on the body. Think about packing a healthy snack for yourself, and collect a few items you may need to assist you. If plan to combine a variety of prescription drugs and alcoholic beverages through the course of the evening, be sure to test them all together ahead of time so that you are aware of any detrimental side effects.

Well that’s about it. If you think of something else, feel free to comment on it. Be sure to get a good sleep tonight, kids. It’s a big day tomorrow!

"Comment or die! Can you do any less?" [15]

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The Captain demands your respect! · posted 19. April 2004 by youth

During times like these, post 9-11 and so on, the word “hero” gets thrown around an awful lot. At first it was reserved for people who had died while trying to save others. Fair enough. Then it was pretty much every police officer or fireman. Err… getting a little gray there. Now pretty much anyone employed by Uncle Sam is considered a “hero”. That’s just garbage! (my apologies to the brave men and women of the sanitary engineering core)

Here at the BBQ, we don’t use the word “hero” lightly. It’s used for really outstanding people who’s every characteristic deserves emulation. In fact this word is so special that it’s reserved for only one man, and that is Captain James Tiberius Kirk. He is the Hero. Period.

With his mighty space kung-fu, he’s beat up every ugly alien that’s had the misfortune of crossing him. And with his unstoppable space-libido, he’s knocked up every sexy space chick he’s had his eye on. His special brand of logic could convince even the smartest of the evil computers to kill itself. He turned a Klingon bird of prey into a big space aquarium and saved the whales. He’s gone time travelling at least three times. Time travelling, people! He has a penchant for humour too, evidenced by his witty comments at the end of each episode (even Spock is usually amused), as well as his attempts at “singing” . His military prowess is unmatched – he always wins! Always! In every situation he’s ever come across, he always discovers the trap, saves the ship and her crew, and blows up the bad guys. And that one time he lost the Enterprise? Well he blew it up on purpose, ok? He blew the other doods to hell and then took their ship! How do you like that? He even met “god” once… and he kicked his ass too!

But you know what’s best of all? He’s Canadian! Naturally, eh?

Well, I guess this isn’t really news to any of you. We’ve all been worshipping the good Captain since childhood. The reason I’m reminding you of these things is because there’s an oppourtunity for us to show him the honour he’s due. Head on over to this website and vote for the Hero as the greatest Canadian ever. He’s the greatest man in the galaxy, so he’s surely the greatest Canadian!

But remember, due to legal reasons, you have to put William Shatner instead of James Kirk or your vote won’t count. Remember, Wiliam Shatner.

* * *

Counter Strike Back: Condition Zero Wing · posted 16. April 2004 by youth

How are you gentleman!

Playing Counter-Strike: Condition Zero (don’t laugh at me; it’s not like I paid for it) sure brings back memories. I can’t say enough about the bots in this game. They rush, they camp, they jump around, they knife the bomb. They’ve got aimbot built right in! And there’s always plenty of BS to go around. You can empty a whole clip into some dude’s chest, and he’ll casually glock you right between the eyes. As close an approximation as this is to real online play, it’s still woefully incomplete. Where are all the 14 year old punks who are all better than me? Or the unrepentant teamkillers and haughty admins? Who is going to accuse me of cheating or question my sexual orientation? Well??

You are! “What you say!”, I can hear you say. I know you’ve all just been waiting for someone to set you up the bomb. Well, the bbq is back and we are on the way to destruction! Now it’s time for mainscreen turn on and get signal!

This is a call to war, so come prepared! The game is Battlefield 1942. The mod is Desert Combat. Here’s a list of what you’ll need (for great justice):

A computer. You’ll need one with at least an 800mhz processor and a GeForce2 or equivalent to play this game. Anything slower will produce a lovely slide show about tanks and sand, and you’ll be all like “what happen!”.
A legitimate copy of BattleField 1942. If you cannot afford one, YOU ARE TOO POOR TO PLAY WITH US!
Highspeed internet. Dial-up users: you have no chance to survive make your time!
The latest BattleField 1942 patch (v1.6) installed. Get it here.
The latest Desert Combat patch (v0.7) installed. Get it here.
(optional) A microphone. Faster than typing, but more annoying.
(optional) TeamSpeak client installed. Get it here.
(optional) A joystick. Helicopters especially are much easier to fly with this. By default, the mouse and keyboard are mapped to “flip helicopter upside-down”.
Zig!

Since we’ve all agreed to do battle on Thursday nights, be sure to make sure you go through this list by Wednesday night. Feel free to add to this list in the comments.

I was getting all misty digging up the old bbq archives in preparation to get this site going again. I’m pretty stoked to recapture (and hopefully surpass) old glories. So in celebration, I’ll be re-releasing some very tasteful flash animations over the next few posts. Like this one.

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Rasta BBQ II: The Revenge · posted 13. April 2004 by youth

The BBQ is back, and that’s a fact. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes… or like a dog returning to its vomit, I dunno. Either way, it’s long overdue. While I cannot guarantee that successive posts will be free of dubious mental images such as these, I can assure you that the bulk of this website will be devoted to archiving my otherwise benign (and possibly repetative) mental processes in numbing (and possibly repetative) detail.

I would like to take time out of this very exciting first post, to say a few words about my good friend Colin. Colin is the sort of person who reads information on a given subject, makes sure he understands what it means, and then does something with that information. When I stare at the same wall of text, my eyes glaze over until I decide that I’m quite satisfied simply to be aware that [whatever the new fangled thingie he’s excited about] exists at all. Then I wonder, “what’s for lunch?”

One of the great benefits of living in the same house with a bunch of geeks (I think we’re all chaotic good) is that all of their new technologies are assimilated into the collective. So for example, when Colin learns how to run a blog out of our house, poof! we all get blogs. This is a roundabout way of thanking him for the poof! part, which actually sounds more like AAAARG!, and the pulling of hair. Anyway, there’s my first post. I hope you enjoy it whether it smells like smoke or bile.